Wednesday, December 9, 2009

It Makes An Ass of You and Me... Mainly Me

Why do they call it the wrong side of the bed? When I wake up in a foul mood it usually has more to do with lack of sleep and other people or creatures banging around (my husband), barking (the neighbors dog) or jumping on my head (our cat) and less to do with my exact location, so the phrase wrong side of the bed makes no sense at all. Now, that being said I bet you can tell how foul I woke up today because even the phrase wrong side of the bed makes my blood boil.

Cleaning up a full cup of coffee that the cat knocked all over the floor in the den didn't help to cheer me nor did going to the kitchen to make some lovely toast and finding that MDH had used the last of the margarine and put the empty container back in the fridge. Dry toast. Thanks buddy.

Not to say that they don't exist, but I personally have never known any women that do this. Put back empty food containers into the cupboard or refrigerator I mean. Now that I think about I have also never known any women who spit in public either. My father used to do it and now my husband does it - with the food containers I mean, keep up with me here. Why fellas? Why? There is a trash can right there.

Adding insult and injury to the person who primarily does most of the food shopping is the fact that I usually don't discover the empty container until moments after I have just gotten back from the supermarket where, had I only known we were out of Cheerios I would have gladly gotten a new box, but since the empty Cheerios box was sitting in the cupboard, silly me I mistook it for a Cheerios box that actually had some Cheerios in it and assumed that we didn't need any more.

I suppose instead of saying that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed you could say that someone pissed in my Cheerios, except that we don't have any. Nobody pissed in my strawberry jam, milk, orange juice, peanut butter or margarine either. They might as well have because we don't have any of those items either, but the empty containers are all somehow still in the fridge.

As a side note I'd like to add that if laziness is the key reason for this phenomena of not throwing out empty containers then why roll up the empty cereal bag inside the box as if to keep the invisible cereal fresh and furthermore, why bother to seal the box closed again? Freak.

I'd almost prefer that he simply make a loud grunting noise and then drop the empty containers onto the floor where right in the spot where he's standing so I could at least hear him make some kind of acknowledgement that the food is gone and then would see the container out in the open and make a note to buy some more of whatever it was.

My post has turned into a marriage/partner pet peeve rant and I thank you for listening. I'm sure somewhere out there my husband has his own secret blog where he writes mostly about politics but occasionally splits off with rants wondering why his wife leaves bras dangling from every doorknob in the house and somehow as if by magic she always has a backache when snow needs shoveling.


Churlita said...

Haha. Now I know right where to go when I'm feeling sad about being single.

Women do that too...Especially when they're teenage women.

SkylersDad said...

If I may rant back, I always throw away the empty stuff like a good husband, and when we are close to being out of stuff write it on the white board on the refrigerator like we discussed.

Why then does my dear wife not get it when she goes to the store?

Because it isn't stuff "she usually gets".

BeckEye said...

I work in an office full of lazy morons who are famous for leaving one Goldfish/cookie/chip/whatever in the box and letting it just set on the counter. No one will take that last piece because heaven forbid they should have to make a quarter turn and toss the empty box in the trash can.

My favorite is when people will order in lunch and leave the bag that their food came in just lying on the counter. Or maybe it's the ones who leave a half a can of open pop on the counter and never come back to retrieve it. I really can't decide which is my favorite, i guess.

Anonymous said...

Yes. YES. OH MY GOD YES. The empty container phenomenon. Drives me crazy too. But not as crazy at that other joy you mentioned - the NON CLOSED UP CEREAL BAG INSIDE THE BOX ensuring soggy cereal. That makes me crazy. It's not hard to fold up the goddamn bag, it isn't. Same goes for pasta and cookies and any other effing item that should not be left open to the air.

Now I'm all pissed off too just thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

How about when he can't find something. Who knew I married someone with the "sixth sense" to know we don't have any pepper without even bothering to open the freakin' cabinet freakin' door....freakin'.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Churlita - Today I had one of those days where the relationship felt like work.

Skydad - fair is fair - rant away sir. I always ask my husband if needs or wants anything and he always says no nothing fine fine. I wish he would ask for stuff then it would feel more like he's participating.

Beckeye - At work I never take the last piece of whatever but not because I don't want to throw the container away - mainly I'm afraid of all the germy hands that have wiggled around in the bag or box before me. If I've walked by enough times and seen the lone cookie sometimes I'll just throw the poor thing out.

Veg - A great deal of my life involves plastic containers and ziplock storage bags. Staleness beware. Of course we don't keep much of anything around long enough to get stale, but I dare it to try - I seal it all up air tight - suffocate it's ass.

Suze - Tsk, tsk. I remember that. Too lazy to open the cabinet... sad, sad, sad. I leave the salt and pepper on the kitchen counter now because MDH says the spice cupboard is too scary to try to find things in there on his own. I suppose it IS a bit intimidating for an amateur.

WendyB said...

*raising hand, jumping up and down* -- I put empty stuff in the fridge all the time. It's better to let someone else throw it out. What?! I'm busy commenting on other people's blogs. No time to analyze containers.

Linka72 said...

hahaha..well my husband has some sort of aversion to replacing the trash bag when he takes the trash out..he once told me that it was "woman's work"...I then gouged his eye out with a rusty spoon. Oh Love.
and ha@ the ver word being "dednes" appropriate

Tara said...

Ha, I hang my bras on the doorknobs too. The cat doesn't complain.

I will mention a rant I've probably brought up in the past - the people who leave the lint from the dryer lint trays all balled up on the dryers when there's a perfectly capable trash can two steps away.

Gwen said...

Haha! I do a lot of these things! Thankfully I only have myself to annoy.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Gwen - right! but you live alone and do all your own shopping (I ass-ume) so even if you put an empty milk carton back in the fridge you're not fooling anyone. Replacement milk will be purchased. You can't do that shit when someone else is the shopper.

I'm bad about taking something out of the cupboard and then not closing the cupboard door. I also leave the fridge open all the time and leave my dirty underwear on the bathroom vanity.