Friday, May 1, 2009

The Great Indoors

Earlier this week I was trying to catch up with some of my blog peeps and came across this camping meme that Tara over at Eclectic Spaghetti had done awhile back. She didn't tag me or anything, but I started mentally answering the questions and decided I'd go ahead and start typing.

1. When did you last sleep in a tent?

In 1976. I was 9 years old and attending a Parents Without Partners camping event with my then best friend Blondie and her single-in-the-swinging 1970's mom "Ginger". Ginger was a mom, but she was also a stone fox and part of the reason I decided at such a young age that getting married was for the birds. Ginger had all the men at camp (divorced, embittered, balding and be-paunched though they were) wrapped around her little finger.

I seem to have wandered off on a tangent here. Where was I ? Oh yes... sleeping in a tent. It sucked donkey balls. The ground was hard and damp and I didn't sleep a wink all night and when I complained everyone made fun of me, called me a baby and seemed to make extra effort to flip my canoe.

2. What comes to mind when you think about relieving yourself in the great outdoors?

Constipation.

Having established myself as the pansy, complaining, non-camping puss in the group, the children of the un-partnered parents (who BTW were pretty busy ignoring their already disenfranchised progeny while they tried to get laid and score Quaaludes) thought it was a laugh riot to sneak up on me and push me to the ground every time I tried to pee in the bushes. As a result I spent the entire weekend bathed in streams of my own urine. (In retrospect, maybe that explains my frequent canoe flips. I probably stunk to high heaven and they were trying to give me a cleansing rinse.)

At this point I had resigned myself to cramping and abdominal distention because if I was unable to even pee in peace then forget about trying to have a bowel movement. I would rather have died. Maybe I would have too had the PWP camping trip been any longer than 3 days. Anyhoo... I decided then and there that I would never attempt to shit in the woods again.

3. Where’s the best place you ever went camping?

A diamond suite at Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas.

4. What’s your favorite camp food?

Those little pies you make with slices of bread you squish together with an iron you put on the fire. My family called them Whoopee Pies.

5. What’s your sleeping bag like?

It's Italian, round and furry and about 6'2.




8 comments:

sparsely kate said...

Hahah! I loved this...so I'm gonna pinch it too. Really liked the last sentence as well! ;)

hey, are those sandwich things called toasties? or jaffles? I think I know what you mean. you put spaghetti in them - YUM.

I'm not a camping girl either actually, some of us just aren't made for outdoors.

Dale said...

I like the best place you've ever gone camping. Count me in on the next trip. Don't worry, I'll bring my own sleeping bag.

SkylersDad said...

This was so funny, I know a lot of people who feel the same way about camping. I loved it myself, yeah, I am one of "those" people.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Sparsely - Interesting, spaghetti pie. We used mostly fruit pie filling from a can, but hey if you brushed the bread with garlic butter I bet spaghetti pie wouldn't be half bad.

Dale - Not only did it have indoor plumbing - it had 2 bathrooms, a his and hers and one of those rainforest style showers and that is about as outdoorsy as I care to get these days.

Skydad - To each his own. Somebody has to flip the canoes.

Coaster Punchman said...

Your childhood camping trips sound like my family reunions.

Renaissance Woman said...

LOL...funny! Love your style of camping!

Gwen said...

I could have written this word for word. Well, with the obvious exception of the last question as I don't have a sleeping bag, literally or figuratively.

disa said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.