So they called me a cockeyed optimist, immature and incredibly green...

Last night MDH and I watched Rock Docs - NY77 - The Coolest Year in Hell on VH1 Classics from the cozy comfort of our loveseat in the den of our suburban Michigan home. NY77 is 2 hours about 1 year in 1 city. If you have VH1 Classics and happened to have been alive in 1977, or have any interest in Hip-Hop, Punk Rock or American history I strongly suggest you watch it.

I was alive in 1977.

I was only 9, but I remember the big black out and asking my mother why all the people went crazy just because the lights went out. I remember the Son of Sam serial murders and seeing New York City on the news all the time because of the transit strikes, garbage workers strikes, gang problems, drug problems and the general decrepitude and sleaze that seemed to have layered itself over the city like a dirty haze. I lived in Columbus, Ohio which seemed like a world away and I guess it probably was (and still is).

1977 was the year that I learned people could be dangerous and the world (big cities in particular) a scary place.

Prior to 1977 my images of New York were those of old movies from the 1940's, 50's and early 60's. Doris Day, a small town girl in the big city, having lunch at the automat while thwarting the advances of Cary Grant in That Touch of Mink, or Fred Astaire gliding across the dance floors of elegant night clubs, and Shirley MacLaine in Sweet Charity singing Cock-Eyed Optimist while she danced through Central Park.

Before 1977 I didn't realize that New York was a real place with real people living in it and real problems. I guess the 1977 image is the one that stuck because after that it didn't look so appealing.

Of all the places I've been, NYC is still not among them.

When I was 16 I drove through parts of the city on a bus from Newark Airport to JFK to catch a flight to Paris. By this age I had seen Woody Allen films, owned Talking Heads records, read Interview Magazine had an awareness of CBGB's and the Algonquin Round Table, so the city had started to take on a new appeal. My face was pressed against the window the whole time so I could soak it all in, but sitting on a bus in bumper to bumper traffic, doesn't count has having been there.

I'll get there someday for a little visit.

Well, I've started to ramble at this point, so I'll just say - see the Rock Doc thingy if you want and I hope that when I do finally get there, that it's more like the opening credits from Woody Allen's Manhattan, and less like Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis in the Out of Towners.
Hey! How could I forget to tell you about my interview by Suzel Sass! I feel like such a starlet... Thanks Suze!

For Your Amusement

Based on SRU's comment in my last post about traveling I looked up this review I did last year. I was stuck there for a full, miserable 7 days. Thank Dog the people at the clinic were terrific.

Snow Day for a Grown Up Lady

As I was putting the finishing touches on my hair-do this morning the phone rang, like it always seems to do, just as I'm about to walk out the door. Thankfully, for a change, I didn't ignore it, because it was my recruiter guy calling to reschedule the 10am "orientation" appointment I was busily making myself beautiful for. The roads and driving conditions here are pretty bad today in the tundra.

So for the first time since I was in high school - I've got a snow day.

Weird.

I'm all made up. Hair done, eyes shining and no where to go. I'm tempted to head back into the bathroom and wash it all off, but I think I'll remain cute awhile longer.

Anyhoo... as I walked into the living room to put my outfit back in the closet I decided I liked the juxtaposition of the crisp tweed, cashmere and silk against the backdrop of our sloppy book shelves. It pretty much sums us up as a couple, and having my clothes all over the place is usually part of the mix.

You can see the beautiful raku vase made by my good friend Nature Boy (husband of my also good friend Madame La Prof) directly over top of my outfit. It's sitting next to MDH's fez that he bought at a yard sale that has been a featured tzchachki in our home since we first shacked up. MDH's military books and biographies are mixed in with my collection of fiction and a photo of my parents at our wedding.

I think I'll spend my snow day doing some terribly unproductive things that I would normally feel too guilty to do, like play the Sims and watch old movies I've been saving on the DVR for just such an occasion. Namely, and appropriately, The Lady Vanishes and The Lady Eve.

It's such a load off to spend a day with no job hunting.

I've Been Everywhere Part 2

Reading Tara's post listing all the places she's been prompted me to ponder my own travels. I started going through my old expense reports, which I needed to do anyway because we're getting ready to do our taxes, and counted 38 states I've been to in the last 5 years.

The names of the places are mostly familiar and some of them stand out more than others because of the length of time I spent there, frequency of visits and sometimes just the sheer weirdness of the people or the town.

Anyhoo... here's an official "Good-bye" to my old career in the form of an overview of the the little stroll I took down memory lane as I perused my old expense reports:

Worst "Hotel":

Methlab, MD
It seemed that people (rather unsavory people) were living in this "hotel" as if it were an apartment building. The place reeked of mildew, curry and body odor. Once in my room I immediately called MDH who began working furiously to find me alternative accommodations in the area. There were none with any vacancies.

As I was sitting on the bed, lamenting the horrible and possibly dangerous surroundings with my husband, I heard the a key turn in the lock on the door and a strange man walked into my room. I dropped the phone and screamed at the man, who didn't speak English, but clearly understood "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE MOTHERFUCKER!!" and the gesture implied by an angry frightened woman coming after him swinging a chair at this head. (Turns out the man was some kind of confused maintenance person, but still lucky to have removed himself before I smashed his fuckin' brains out.)

It was this incident that caused MDH, who of course heard the whole thing because he was still on the phone when it happened, to suggest that perhaps I should find another job.

Worst Hotel, Honorary Mention:

Truckstopwhore, Nevada
To start with, I had a horrible head cold. I stayed in a motel attached to the town's casino. The bed had one thin blanket and one pillow on it that I'm fairly certain was just a busted vacuum cleaner bag with a pillow case over it. My cell phone didn't work, there was no Internet service and I couldn't even use dial-up because the phone was actually attached to the wall with a permanent cable. As an added bonus - there was no TV. It was not unlike what I imagine prison to be. The vet was really nice and offered to let me stay at her house, but that could have been even weirder so I politely refused. It was only 2 days. I survived.

Crabbiest (Catty-est?) Clinic Staff:

Pick One
It's a tie between every single "cats only" clinic I've ever been to. I feel bad to say it, because one of the pleasures of my job was meeting the mostly wonderful and amazing people, but "cats only" clinics tend to be staffed with unpleasant grouches. I'm sure their foul moods have a lot to do with the fact that nearly all of these clinics reek of cat piss.

Most Rural:

Cowflop, MI

This was an equine clinic with a very cool doctor/owner who specialized in race horses and it was foaling season so there were lots of cute baby horsies prancing about. The clinic was about a 3 hour drive from home, but once I got off the highway it was 3 miles on a rutted dirt road, then turn on another dirt road and drive another 2 miles. The training was performed in a dusty old barn and the nearest hotel was 45 mins away. At least I racked up a lot of good mileage reimbursement.

Most Crazy Doctor/Clinic Owner

Baboon Buttock, MI

The poor man had whipped himself into a red-faced, blustering frenzy long before I arrived. The first day he was in a constant state of freak out and challenging me throughout the training to the point that I had to give him a time out and explain that he was wasting my time (which was really his time that he was paying me for) by being ridiculous. I handed him a brand new legal pad and told him to write down his questions instead of interrupting the training every 5 seconds and that we would address all of his concerns when the training was over at the end of the day, which we did. He seemed to have calmed down, but the next day when I arrived at the clinic, he wasn't there because he'd gone to the emergency room with heart palpitations. With him out of the picture the rest of the training went great. He is fine now, by the way.

Most Crazy Doctor/Clinic Owner - Honorable Mention

Whackadoo, KY

It was only my 3rd solo training and I was still learning the software myself. The owner was an older, country vet who had printed, read and memorized all 650 pages of the reference manual prior to my arrival, causing him to know more about the software than me. I was impressed with his brilliant memory, but the guy followed me around, buzzing questions like a goddamn horsefly. There was no relief from his incessant quizzing. At one point he followed me into the ladies room and I thought I would cry.

Most Fun Clinic
Bongwater, CA

There was just something special about this place and all the people who worked there. The manager was so relaxed about everything and fully prepared for the training (without having memorized the manual). To my amazement they had done all of the pre-training work I had assigned to them before I arrived. The clinic was in a big strip mall and there were lots of great little independently owned restaurants (best carne esada I've ever had) and a terrific little coffee shop right next door. Since they had prepared so much before the training I got to spend more time getting to know them and having a laugh. BTW - although they were very laid back, nobody was high as far as I know. I just think the word bongwater is funny.

Biggest Waste of Time

Pick One
Clinics that refused to close or even scale down the number of appointments they booked during the training (I would make this suggestion a priority in conversations with them in the weeks before I arrived) caused me to sit, sometimes for several hours, with nobody to train. Of course these are the same people that give you a bad evaluation, saying they didn't learn enough from the training.

Ah well...

Out with the old, in with the new...

A whole new world of things to bitch and moan about awaits when my new job starts on Feb 13th.

I'm Hired

No post today.

Only this: Some very wise people have decided to bring me into their project management team - in exchange for money. Yes. I got a job.

Pardon me won't you? I have to put a load of towels in the dryer and after that I am going to spend the rest of the day calling everyone that I have been avoiding for the last 7 months and squealing into the phone at them.

!

24 Hour Weenie People

I have lots of things to write about, but most of them are of the long-ish story telling variety and I'm not in the mood to flesh them out today. Besides, it's bill paying day for MDH and he's probably going to boot me out of the office at any moment. He is currently performing his usual Sunday afternoon routine of watching the talking head brigade (Face the Nation, Chris Matthews, Tim Russert, etc..) while simultaneously watching UMass basketball on his laptop and shouting to himself, so I have a little time.

Here instead I'll tell you about our evening out. We forgot to take the camera. I don't have any actual photographic proof, but Rachel, Playtah and Aria were there as witnesses that MDH and I actually went out on a Saturday night.

We went to Billy's Lounge, which is a terrific little bar near our house. Technically it's within walking distance, but since we live in the fucking tundra, we drove. Aria's father's band were the featured performers of the night with the lovely Aria filling in for the regular female vocalist. She, along with the rest of the band, kicked ass. They played the kind of crowd pleasing R&B, Funk and Soul standards that make even the fuddiest of fleece wearing duddies get up and dance.

As we were leaving the bar I noticed that it was 12:50am and that I had a terrible hankerin' for a chili dog. MDH was not keen on the idea. I whined and put up a fuss until I realized that I was the driver, so I shut up and just drove straight to the 24 hour weenie restaurant instead of going home. It's weird that such things as 24 hour hot dog joints exist in a dullsville boring town that normally shuts completely down by 11PM, but I'm so very glad that they do. It's almost all we've got.

By the time we got to the weenie store MDH had decided not only that chili dogs were just the ticket, but also declared me "A Genius!" and trudged across the slushy parking lot to buy our late night snack while I waited in the toasty warm car.

We ate the sloppy doggies back at home hovering over paper towels on the sofa in the den and stayed up until almost 3am talking and laughing.

How did I get so lucky?

Orange Stained Meme Whore

I've been tagged again and I don't mind because I'm a meme whore. Meme's are especially good for days like today when I feel like writing something but have absolutely nothing good to say (even though the lady carding me for wine at the grocery today said she thought I looked like I was in my 20's which normally thrills me).

Many air kisses are going out to Renaissance Woman for perking me up by tagging me to share 6 non important things/habits/quirks about yourself. .

1. I always wear a watch, even to bed. I take it off to shower, otherwise it's on my wrist. I have waterproof sports watches to wear on vacations where I'll be swimming or snorkeling. Last January I left the house in a hurry to catch a flight and forgot to put my watch back on after I showered. I was practically twitching and shivering until my layover flight in Minneapolis. Once there I busted my ass running for a store I knew sold watches so I could buy a new one before my next flight left on the other side of the airport. I paid way too much, but the idea of being away from home working in the middle of nowhere without a watch was unbearable.

2. I think it sounds really trite when people say "I love him/her to death". What the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway? In my mind it's just a way of qualifying that you're not an asshole because it always seems to be followed by "but" and then something not so nice. Just say the not so nice thing and I'll figure out on my own whether or not you "love" the person anyway and are an asshole for saying the not so nice thing about them.

3. It bugs me when someone (these days it's my husband, but he's improving) empties the ice cube trays and puts them back in the freezer without refilling them. I long for a fridge with an ice maker.

4. I love oranges and grapefruits. My mom sends me big boxes of them from the fruit stand near her house in Florida a few times a year. Right now I'm working my way through a box of Honey Bells she sent last week. I eat 2 at a sitting, but I'm a little bummed out because my right thumbnail broke down to the quick the other day and that is my orange peeling nail.

5. I realized yesterday, to my astonishment, that I had gone an entire week and not eaten or drank (drunk? whatever.) anything with sugar in it. It wasn't something I intentionally set out to do but I just haven't had a sweet tooth (and still don't). It probably has a lot to do with the Honey Bells and perhaps is the reason why when I weighed myself this morning I found I've lost 2 lbs.

6. It bums me out when a raindrop or a drip from an awning or something lands directly on my head, right in the middle of where I part my hair, and then just rolls around on my scalp.