This morning there was this bird guy on the radio who was the son of some other guy who wrote some big damn important nature book and also himself happens to be some big damn important guy in the bird watching world.Allrighty.
Whatever. It was fine as background noise until they started playing clips of bird songs. The bird guy had a big high hard one for bird songs.
I don't care for birds, or much else having to do with nature, but I was willing to keep it going for awhile longer merely because I was busy and didn't feel like figuring out what the hell else to listen to.
Anyhoo... at one point the radio host introduced the next bird song clip and the crazy bird guy broke in excitedly and began to describe the subtle and brilliant nuances of the upcoming bird song.
The bird guy just knew that this was going to be the best fucking noise that anyone in the entire known universe and possibly even galaxies beyond our own have ever heard - so he prefaced the bird song clip by saying, "Brace yourself".
Yes. He said brace yourself.
And sweet jeezus didn't I prepare to have my mind blown? And wasn't I glad I braced myself for the clip he played - of a fucking Cardinal.
It was a fucking Cardinal. A Northern Cardinal, to be specific. I could scare away about 7 of them this very second if I stepped into my back yard. In other words, who gives a shit?
While the words brace yourselves used in preparation for the recorded sounds of a creature I hear every day did sort of make me laugh for a brief moment, it also caused me to tear off my headphones and take a moment to consider my own less than savory encounters with other commonly known bird species:
The Crumb Crested Fry Pecker
Natural Habitat: Outdoor cafes and open air restaurants, the occasional movie theater or mall.
Natural Habitat: Outdoor cafes and open air restaurants, the occasional movie theater or mall.
Diet: Whatever can be scrounged from what you've dropped on the ground or sneaked off from your plate while you are not looking.
The Car Shitting Fuck Knuckle
Natural Habitat: Suspended above freshly washed cars for several hours at a stretch.
The Car Shitting Fuck KnuckleNatural Habitat: Suspended above freshly washed cars for several hours at a stretch.
Diet: Blueberries, blackberries, cranberries, poppy seeds, pine tar, Elmer's glue.
The Rat Fucking SquatterNatural Habitat - Dryer vents.
Diet - I don't know - but whatever they are shitting into the dryer vent makes the house smell like the gibbon cage at the zoo.
